My life after being blindsided

It was a tough first week in the new reality. Really hard. I am so thankful that I had a four day work week followed by a four day weekend. I don't think I could have held it together for more days in a row than that.

I feel like I am putting full effort into work and into home but I need a break. I am grateful for the hour lunch break at work and the tv at night, though.

Millie is clinging to me like it's cool and I am nurturing her need for love with lots of attention. She is being a really strong girl. Gio is blissfully unaffected. Carol isn't sleeping. Tony is hiding. It's crazy.

And I suddenly have ADD and a shit-ton of stuff to do. I try to follow Heather's advice to keep a to-do list and cross something off of it every day. I have done a lot but have so much more to do. And because of the ADD, tonight, I cut pieces of fabric for a shirt I am going to make for Millie instead of say, sorting through DVDs; cleaning out the playroom; cleaning out my clothes; filing paperwork; reserving my uhaul; blah blah blah.

The chatter in the world has hushed as well. Don't mistake this for a complaint. Life feels real this week. I am back in my house with the kids. I go to work. I'm not in Seattle receiving a wonderful amount of support via the Droid like last week. This week I lived as a single mom. I made miraculous plans for childcare next week. I relied on Carol a great deal. I was quiet. Just breathing and doing.

Things I have learned.
* this is really happening
* I have no choice but to put my big girl panties on and deal with it
* I love being a mom and am enjoying the kids a lot
* I have wonderful, resourceful, generous friends - still
* I am making smart choices
* no really, sometimes, life isn't fair, at all. Damn